Anxious

I want to go back to school, but something keeps preventing me from taking the next step and making it happen. I'm letting that something stand between me and future success. I don't know what it is. I assume it is fear. Fear of what? Fear of effort? Fear of failure? Fear of going back to something that I already failed at?
I'm not sure. I don't know what going back to school will mean. That's not entirely true though. Going back to school will mean seeing old faces. Potentially seeing people that I don't want to see. Seeing people that I have wanted to see. People that I wanted to see badly in the past but now are only a reminder of what I have had and what I have lost.
My ex girlfriend is going to be at the same school as I am this year. I have never had this experience before. I was a late bloomer and never had any girlfriends when I was in highschool or middle school, so I have never had to share space with a former lover. I dread this. I shouldn't let that be the only reason I don't go back though. Maybe I'm just more comfortable procrastinating progress. I don't know.
I have to do something though because this part of my life is on a downward slope and I need to find some uphill direction. I need to do something now that will pay off later on. Something that I can set up a foundation for a new life upon. I don't know exactly what that means however.
I heard recently that Human Resources is a good area of work. Stable, and perhaps beneficial. I wish I had a clear path set ahead of me, but I know that no one does.
I always thought that my life goals would one day be illuminated by some thing or someone. One day a light would click on inside of my head and I would instantly know what it was that I wanted to do. It has never happened, and I'm aware of the fact that it never will.
I've also accepted that in my life I have lacked courage. Courage to try, courage to succeed. I have courage enough to fail, because I have known much failure in my life already. It is one thing that I know quite well in fact. From my failure I have gained wisdom, but never any power.
Courage wisdom and power are the three forces which make up the Tri-Force in "The Legend of Zelda" video game series. It is only a video game, a piece of fiction, but one can take wisdom from anything and the idea of the triforce is one that many people have latched onto. I always wished that I was courageous. Pretended in my brain that I was willful and brave, but I have realized that I am not.
My life never lead me to be courageous, and I never wanted power over anything. I wish that I had sought after more power over my own destiny in the past but the past is gone. I am left with wisdom, but what good is wisdom? What do I gain from wisdom? More wisdom?
Where I sit now is a kitchen, in the nicest place that I have ever lived and I fear losing it. Thoughts of what I must do make me anxious, nervous, afraid. I am confident that I can do what it takes to maintain, but I'm nervous to take a step forward. At my age failure seems like it will hurt much more than it has in the past and though I am wise enough to know that I can survive failure and pain, I am afraid of going through it. I don't have to go through it alone, but it doesn't make it any easier to move forth.
What will I do next? What lies ahead? I don't know. Hopefully it is something that I will enjoy and something that I can gain more wisdom from. I don't know what else to say really.